Fog - the definition of my life for the last four weeks (probably since my last blog post) or actually most of the last six months. It all started right after vacation..a weekend of work, that seems to take forever to catch up on. and, then it was time for the big BCS (not the horrible college bowl system)...but my mother's breast cancer surgery.
Some people know that my mother was diagnosed with BC at the end of October, but for the most part I have tried to keep it to my friends and coworkers..mainly because it is hard to answer the same questions over and over. Her diagnosis is Stage 3 Breast Cancer with treatments of chemo, surgery and then radiation.
So after 8 long chemo treatments, it was time for surgery, and soon will be time for radiation. In the end, the surgery and chemo have done their job -- clear margins and the cancer seems to be gone. The 33 radiation treatments should eradicate any remaining lone cells. However, the toll the treatments up to this point have taken on mother (who knew you could be allergic to chemo or heard of chemo brain) have really awful...she has had reactions most people do not have (again, see the line about being allergic to chemo). No one wants to watch their parent go through something like this...parents are supposed to be invincible.
This has been a grueling six months on me as well. Who knew I would feel the need to call everyday and inquire about someones protein and general food intake or the status of their drains? Let alone, the 22 miles from my house to my mother's (there have been several times that I regretted my move to the northside) for support, doctor's appointments, etc. Oh, and then there is the guilt...the guilt that I could be doing more, be there more, etc, etc.
I had not realized how much I was internalizing the stress...until my own hair started to fall out. although, it was not just because of the cancer, all the unknowns at my job have also taken their toll. For the first time in my life, I have not been able to juggle all of the balls in the air, which has probably the biggest stress of them all to me. and I have taken it out on everyone...my mother, nick, sadie, and my coworkers...for which I truly apologize.
Her surgery was three weeks ago tomorrow. She is doing well, but still has much recovering to do. and, visits from both of my aunts and a week long stay by my brother have not only meant that someone has been there 24 hours a day for the first weeks after surgery, but also that I have not had to stay overnight once since she got out of the hospital (something I did not anticipate in the beginning).
Thanks to everyone who has been there for me and said the many prayers for my mother, they have meant the world to me.
In addition to the back and forth with my mom, the aunts and doctor's visits, this is also a pretty busy time of year at work -- budget planning (not easy in these economic times) and a pre-planning trip to Louisville for National Convention (Kentucky Derby Weekend..no less), plus all the normal summer prep.
But, for the first time in weeks, I feel like I am coming through the fog. Today at work, I actually managed to get through every pile and get all of my budgets done (until the next hack). I am actually caught up on sleep (ie not sleeping like the dead and waking up still tired). and, getting excited about the wedding planning.
Speaking of the wedding...we have a date, a location, a honeymoon, and cupcakes. It is amazing what you can get done when you have six hours to sit in a hospital surgery waiting room. Nick and I finalized the location and came up with a budget (that hopefully won't lie to us).
So, the event details:
Friday, November 6 - Rathskeller
So, as the fog lifts even more and the summer is upon us, I plan to blog more...hopefully without this cancer cloud hanging over everyone in my entire family.
